The Virtual Self - How our digital lives are alterting the world around us

Author:  Nora Young

Published by McClelland & Stewart

ISBN:  978-0-7710-7064-8

Page Count:  204

Reviewed by:  Faith Wood, Inspiring Minds Consulting Ltd.

We have become a society addicted to our digital technology.  With a desire to be constantly online and the simplicity of the tools being developed which allow us to do just that, are we losing ourselves and our individuality?  Are we sharing too much and if so, at what cost?

From smart phones to social networking and even those 'I agree' clicks that claim we actually read the disclaimer, are we revealing too much about our personal identity?   Are we sharing with the right people?  Oh sure, here in Canada we have laws about what personal data can be collected but what happens online - where we volunteer our information without questioning who sees it?

Author Nora Young does an exceptional job of bringing to our attention these questions and more!  From apps that help us track and analyze our own behaviours to  those customer reward cards which are collecting your buying preferences, to our desire to be 'friends' with thousands of people we have never met...how are we coping with this increased desire to digitally share?   Are we putting ourselves in needless jeopardy?

As individuals, we are sharing more data and tracking ourselves more than any other generation.  GPS devices track your every movment and on top of that, we share it with the masses through our online social networks.  No more need for government spies, just 'friend' someone and you can discover all the boring details about their lives from the comfort of your portable device.  Diaries and journalling used to be done in private.  Now...we call it blogging and share our inner thoughts with anyone who wants to read them.

In the 40s we embraced the personal development industry with their books and seminars designed to enhance our sense of identity.  Today - we can do all that online and for ourselves.  You can literally track the most minute of details about your day to day activities in your quest for self awareness.  If you need motivation to lose weight and work out, there is an app for that.  If you want to connect with avid hikers and cyclists about the best pathways and map systems, there is an pp for that.  If you want to figure out how to find more time in your day, there is an app for that.    Perhaps the new career choice for many will be stats and logic combined with graphic design to help us interpret the crazy maze of stats we are collecting onourselves and each other.

Technology is advancing so quickly, are we truly prepared for the glutton of data that is being shared openly and freely.  Are we putting ourselves at needless risk by not questioning how our personal data will be housed and who gets to maintain control over it.

While the data we create can be a powerful tool for personal development and promoting responsive communities, it comes with some real privacy threats.  The Virtual Self explores the debates and challenges being faced in this new digital reality.  If we don't wrestle with the question of ownership and privacy protectrion laws now (says the author), it may be too late to protect ourselves in the future.

Book Review:  The Power of Habit:  Why we do what we do in life and business

Author:  Charles Duhigg

Page Count:       290

Publisher:  Doubleday Canada (www.randomhouse.ca)

Genre:  Social Science

ISN 978-0-385-66974-0

Reviewed By:  Faith Wood, Inspiring Minds Consulting (www.imind.ca)

When we talk about habits, most of us immediately reflect on those we wish to break or remove.  Habits like smoking; over eating; alcohol consumption; gambling and chewing ones nails, etc. seem an easy pattern to fall into, but stopping them somehow seems so much harder.  We start out with such great intentions towards daily exercise and wise food consumptions and yet, over time, we often fall back into our old ingrained habits.  This causes us to believe that it is virtually impossible to stop our self-sabotaging habits and yet ....each year, millions of people do just that!

Fortunately, habits are not all negative.  In the world of sports, we recognize that becoming successful is contingent on positive habit formations.  Swimmer, Michael Phelps for example, has won 16 Olympic medals throughout his career and the book's author sets out to prove that positive habit formation played a big part in that.   Charles Duhigg describes in great detail the strategies deployed by Michael Phelps on race days.  He recounts the prescribed habits (rituals) that prepare Michael mentally for a race with calm clear focus.  Mentally rehearsing at an inner-mind level provides an added edge, a winning edge.  As high level athletes focus their thoughts, they also learn to control their physical actions.  It becomes automatic or habitual.  Mental focus is not just for athletes; each of these skills and techniques can be incorporated and utilized to create astounding results in other areas of our lives - business, recreational and relationships.

"Hundreds of habits influence our days - they guide how we get dressed in the morning, talk to our kids, and fall asleep at night.; they impact what we eat for lunch, how we do business and whether we exercise or have a beer after work. "  Each of these habits is sparked by a different cue (trigger) and offers a unique reward of sorts.  Let's take smoking for example:   smokers have defined triggers that spark them to light a cigarette - usually without much conscious thought.  The phone rings - they light up.  It's time for a coffee break, they light up.  They are socializing or relaxing after work - they light up.  This book sets out to prove that it is in recognizing both the triggers (cues) and the payoffs (rewards) that allow us to change or amend those unconscious habits.

Throughout the pages, the author shares story after story of real people deciding to modify a habit.  Deciding to identify the cues and rewards and then finding alternatives to their ingrained habits.  From Starbucks to Alcoholics Anonymous; from the National Football league to the justice system, a system of habits is explored and investigated.  Charles Duhigg argues that "the way we habitually think about our surroundings and ourselves creates the world that we live in.  If you believe you can change - if you make it a habit - the change becomes real.  This is the real power of habit:  the insight that your habits are what you choose them to be."

As a hypnotherapist and behavioral coach, I often encourage my clients to understand that habits are difficult to break, but easy to switch.   It is possible to adjust our habits by switching out the activity that occurs after the trigger and before the reward.

At the end of this book, the Author provides some easy to follow advice on how to identify the patterns that aren't working for you in your life and begin the quest to change them.  With time and effort, almost any habit can be transformed and the author believes he has identified the framework to do just that:

1)      Identify the routine

2)      Experiment with rewards

3)      Isolate the cue (trigger)

4)      Have a plan

With this simple framework, Charles Duhigg advocates that you can begin to gain power over any habit.

This morning my daughter forwarded a facebook video to me from the campaign:  KONY 2012.  As a mom, she was shaken by the atrocities that are being committed by Joseph Kony in abducting and killing children to feed his quest for power.  This is not a new activity, he has been playing at this game for years.  What is even more eerie is that in spite of the atrocities whch occurred throughout history, the human race has once again turned a blind eye.  Margaret Heffernan in her book would call that "Willful Blindness".  So many people who simply are not personally affected and are so busy in their own lives, that it is easy not to pay attention!.

The campaign:  KONY 2012 aims to change that.  The mission:  Make Joseph Kony FAMOUS!  As famous as George Clooney.  As famous as Oprah.  To get our policy makers to care.  To incite a nation into paying attention!  If we cannot learn from our past (consider Hitler's reign in Germany) - what kind of world will we leave for our children and our grandchildren.

Waiting for someone else to get involved will change nothing.  Will you help spread the word.

Watch the Invisible Children video and then decide....can you let it continue?

Click here to see the video!

Are you on target with your expectations?

Me...I am definitely on target with respect to frequent flyer miles!  With two major training contracts coming to a close, I am in need of a little focus ON my business not just IN it!  Thrilled that I had a little forsight and signed up for business growth coaching back in December in preparation for this.

So, how does a coach select a coach?  Defnitely a challenging question when we look at a need to elevate skills.  Personally, though, I look for someone who wont pull any punches.  Someone who will hold me accountable to my own growth and my own lack of decisive action.  I dont need more people to agree with me, I need someone who will challenge me to explore greater initiatives and ideology!

So what does it take for you to invest in coaching?  What stops you from investing right now in your own opportunity?  Many of us make excuses about money, about time, about almost anything.  However, sometimes it is the fear of becoming uncomfortable that deters us from a fresh perspective.

Let's face it, we are all drawn to the familiar.  Our friends think like us; our family will tell us anything because they love us; and your spouse figures you wont listen to them regardless so why bother?!

A performance coach will help you tap into your hidden potential and hold you responsible for the actions you take (or don't take as the case may be).  They are not in the business of stroking your ego (or at least they shouldn't be) and, I would fire anyone who talks more than pushes you to take action.  A good coach should listen to your challenges and help you brainstorm how to overcome them.  They are not expected to have all the answers, but they are paid to think differently than everyone else in your peer group.

So many times we ask ourselves why we do (or continue to do) self-destructive activities such as smoking, over eating, procrastinating on a big project.   We ask "why "of others.  Why are you late?  Why won't you just do it?   Our whole self-development industry is based on figuring out the proverbial why in our life.  But.....what if why is the wrong question?

Have you ever noticed that when you ask this question you are rarely rewarded with a useful response?   That's because why is the type of question that tends to stimulate defensiveness or excuse making in our minds and the minds of others.

Ever notice how when you ask why your body drops?   How your eyes tend to hit the floor?  How the only thoughts you stimulate are excuses or the "I don't know" response.   Take a second and test it.  Ask yourself that limiting "Why" question and notice your physical and mental responses.

In spite of our teachings to the contrary (ask the 5 w's and a how), we rarely use the "why" question in the right order.   Why can be incredibly useful in terms of marketing or branding, but often limits us when referencing behaviors.

If this question is contributing to your feeling stuck, consider asking a "what" or "how" question.  What can I do? How can I work through this?  What will it take to make this habit a thing of the past?   Once your brain has a chance to generate some plausible solutions then go ahead and ask your why question.  Why don't I do that right now?

The universe rewards decisive action not perfection. Your brain is a powerful computer. It just wants you to tell it what you are searching for.   It is time to stop activating defensiveness and excuses in your life and from others.  It is time to stimulate creative thinking.  You were born ready to be truly successful in your own right. Maybe it's just time to get out of your own way.  Why wouldn't you want to do that?

Author:   Bernard Beckett
Page Count:  185  
Reviewed by:  Faith Wood

In a thought provoking tale, Bernard Beckett explores what the mystery of consciousness - what it means to be human.  In a future well into the 21st century, this science fiction thriller exposes an apocalyptic society which was (perhaps) undone by its own fears.

At first glance, I wondered why science fiction writers seem unable to find another source of entertainment rather than continuing to explore this fascination with robots.  However, as I spent an afternoon becoming immersed into the book, I discovered that its simple premise became more delightfully complex.

From the perils of leading a life through fear to Big Brother continually monitoring, Bernard Beckett never disappoints but rather challenges us to think for ourselves.

The story unfolds as Anaximander begins a panel style interview (an oral examination) for entrance into 'The Academy'.   Anaximander has chosen the path of a historian, choosing to deliver the dissertation on a particularly poignant point in their history.

As Anaximander presents her thesis, readers are drawn into the story of a world (or society) that has been created on an island, protecting itself geographically from a great plague that has destroyed populations around the globe.  As the pages turn, Anaximander tells the tale of Adam (a soldier), who defies the laws of protection and becomes imprisoned for displaying compassion rather than strict compliance to orders when a young female visitor is discovered at the outer edges of the protected boundaries.   As a result of this crime, he is ultimately imprisoned in a room with a fast-thinking artificially intelligent life form.

From chapter to chapter, the story challenges bigger philosophical questions of what humanity really is and the concept of free will.    Is fear the real culprit of a society's ultimate demise or rather the attempt to control one's thoughts completely?

The story is difficult to review without revealing the twists and turns that captivates the reader and makes the story so enjoyable.  It is an easy read and I encourage you to dive into your own copy as you ponder those bigger questions.

Book Review:  Willful Blindness by Author Margaret Heffernan

Reviewed by:  Faith Wood, Inspiring Minds Consulting

In spite of our protests to the contrary, we as individuals prefer the familiar to the unfamiliar.  We prefer to surround ourselves by people who think like us and share our ideals and values.  We crave conformity over critical thinking and individuality - heck our schools and industries are filled with examples of talented people 'towing the party line'. This may allow us to construct a world around us that feels cozy and safe but it also blinds us to valuable information and behaviours that should alert or alarm us.  We stay silent when we should speak out or question for fear of being ostracized or ousted by the group.  This fear of not belonging primes us into becoming willfully blind.

The term of being willfully blind is a legal phrase that can be traced to the nineteenth century.  It refers to a situation where - if an individual could have and should have known something, then the law treats it as if he knew it.  The claim of not knowing isn't a sufficient defense. Heffernan notes: "The law doesn't care why you remain ignorant, only that you do."

Examples of willful blindness are evident everywhere; from ignoring (or failing to read) your financial statements to delaying attending the doctor for a symptom that just won't go away.   We tell ourselves that 'ignorance is bliss'.  Unfortunately, this level of inattention can ultimately destroy us.  After all, just because we don't look at the statement doesn't mean we don't owe the money and won't still lose the house.  Author Margaret Heffernan poses that when capitalism is part of the equation, the tendency to be deliberately blind elevates exponentially.  Corporate executives greedy for compensation, politicians who vote for legislation knowing it will never work and auditors who turn blind eyes to findings because they don't want to lose their client's business all make destructive blunders because of willful blindness. The conclusion Heffernan reaches is that fear of change and conflict can blind us to evidence. And so can the power of the almighty dollar.

Chapter by chapter, the author challenges readers to stop turning a blind eye.  She points to historical evidence such as the days of the Hitler regime - so many people who turned away - who did not want to see what was happening right under their noses.  Heffernan quotes a letter written to an Austrian concentration camp by a local woman during the Second World War in which the woman requests that  "inhuman deeds be discontinued, or else be done where no one has to see them."  The fact that you don't want to see that which makes you uncomfortable doesn't change what's happening or your culpability as a bystander.

As the pages turn, readers explore indisputable evidence of willful blindness.  With research found across personal, corporate and political genres, we read about the dire effects of our decision to remain blind.  From the BP refinery explosion in Texas and in the Gulf, to Enron, to hurricane Katrina, and the subprime mortgage meltdown, to tanning beds, Bernie Madoff and global warming - there are too many examples to ignore and yet our ability to do so is staggering.

Heffernan notes that "people are about twice as likely to seek information that supports their own point of view as they are to consider an opposing idea." They're particularly "resistant to changing what they know how to do, what they have expertise in and certainly what they have economic investment in."  We mostly admit the information that makes us feel great about ourselves, while conveniently filtering whatever unsettles our egos.   A challenge to our big ideas feels life-threatening. And so we strive mightily to reduce the pain, either by ignoring the evidence that proves we are wrong, or by reinterpreting evidence to support us.

In today's fast paced society, our demand for longer working hours and quest for multi-tasking regiments is only contributing to our vulnerability and putting us at even greater peril.

In her captivating book, Margaret Heffernan poses a few antidotes to Willful Blindness and implores us to stop being so comfortable (complacent).  She warns that if a group is too comfortable with one another, it ought to sound alarm bells.  For it is when we are most uncomfortable that we are able to avoid slipping into the mind-trap of "willful blindness".

(Excerpt from Taking the Bully by the Horns written by Faith Wood)

Do you recall what it was like to have to write a letter and send it via snail mail? Or, better yet, Airmail?  When I think of the days when stamps were a nickel, it makes me chuckle - I tell my kids, "I remember when I had to walk to school with hot potatoes in my pockets to keep my hands warm!"  They know I'm kidding, but they still look at me as though I'm nuts!

The point is - in those days, bullying was a 'closet' activity. You didn't hear much about it and, when you did, it was hushed up and pushed back into the closet.  Today?  With the advent of the computer and the internet, cyberspace becomes host to a plethora of malcontents - initially meant as a super communication highway,' the internet, commonly referred to as cyberspace, presents a blank canvas for the bully's despicable behavior.

Facebook;  Twitter;  cell phones - these are three products of immediate self-gratification.  When kids want things, they want it now. They can't do without a computer and a cell phone, because they represent a real-time lifeline to friends - and, enemies.

Do you recall the story about Phoebe Prince? Phoebe was the teenager in Massachusetts who was cyber bullied, harassed, harangued and tormented every day at school for more than three months and, one day, she decided she'd had enough.  Phoebe hanged herself in the stairwell of her home.

When Phoebe and her family immigrated to the United States to Massachusetts, she quickly became the target of bullies. What made her the target? According to her classmates, she was beautiful and it was her physical and inner beauty that sparked the ire of several female bullies - boys were attracted to her and she caught the eye of the football captain (he's facing charges of stalking and statutory rape.)

Long story short - one week before Phoebe's spirit completely broke and she took her own life, she was shoved into lockers and cyber bullies (keyboard bullies) on Facebook encouraged her to kill herself.  She was so frightened of being attacked; she walked between friends at school for protection. Court documents indicate that Phoebe approached school officials for help, but they told her that they weren't going to take action.

Phoebe was only fifteen.

According to the high school officials, Phoebe was the victim of 'relationship aggression' - that means that a group of girls turned on Phoebe when she briefly dated the football captain. Apparently, at the time, he was the boyfriend of one of the girls charged in the crime.  Phoebe also briefly dated a student who had a 16 year-old girlfriend - she, too, is charged in the case.

I could go on, but there isn't any need.  You know what I'm talking about - what do you think? One teacher described the bullying at the high school as 'normal girl drama.'  Gee, does 'normal girl drama' mean it's OK to harass someone, push them into lockers, torment them as they walk down the street, or call them racist names? The teacher went on to say, "If you want to label it bullying, then I've bullied girls, and girls have bullied me.   This coming from a teacher?  Something, indeed, is very wrong.

The reality is that bullying is, by its very nature, hard to measure.  Although Canada has laws against bullying, they don't seem to prevent stunts like "kick a ginger day" which inspired over 4,700 Canadians to support the idea of tormenting red-headed people.

In Margaret Heffernan's book Willful Blindness, she explores the bystander effect which refers to the idea that when individuals are part of a group, they will tend to see bad things happening and yet do nothing about them.  We do not believe that we would stand idly by, but the evidence is pitted against us.

Internet chat rooms have shown just how far bystander behaviour can scale.  In 1998, Larry Froistad, a 29 year old computer programmer confessed to two hundred people in a chat room (for recovering alcoholics) that he had set his house on fire to murder his five-year old daughter.  Only three of the two hundred members of the chat room reported him.  Froistad was subsequently tried, convicted and sentenced to forty years in prison.

Frightening isn't it.  The bystander effect illustrates how in a group our moral selves and social selves come into conflict.   Most often this leads to indecision and a moral shortcut.    It can be hard to know what is happening or what response is appropriate so in a group so we simply tend to opt out of the personal accountability.    In many instances, bystanders actually act as 'reinforcers', by either providing an encouraging audience or protecting the bully by their failure to intervene.  Only 10 - 20 percent of witnesses ever provide any real help.

If we want to stop this tendency, we must stop turning a blind eye.  We must teach our children (and ourselves) to act when we witness bullying and harassment.   We must engage.  We need to help bystanders turn to their friends and say "Hey - we need to do something here - we have to stop this".    Research also tells us that a victim is more likely to gain support if they ask for a helper by name - teach your children to make that request.

I believe it often takes very little to stop a bully - people just don't realize the immense power they truly have.

(Excerpt from Taking the Bully by the Horns EBook by Faith Wood)

Why don't anti-bullying campaigns work? We certainly hear about them frequently within the educational system, but when push comes to shove, the current campaigns are ineffective.  And, what about the workplace? Bullying is prevalent throughout corporate environments and all businesses, although you may not be aware of it unless you are experiencing bullying yourself.

To be honest, the levels of bullying behavior are complex (that's putting it mildly!) and I can imagine it's tough for you to wrap your head around all of the concepts that comprise the 'bully personality.'   However, before we can begin to address how to fix the bullying problem in schools and within the workplace, you need to understand why programs currently in place aren't effective.

Several years ago, Canadian psychologist J. David Smith, Ph.D. of the University of Ottawa, penned a paper entitled, The Effectiveness of Whole School Anti-Bullying Programs: a Synthesis of Evaluation Research.  Whew!  That's a big title and, if you're not a psychologist, you may shy away from reading it! Nonetheless, Dr. Smith's findings were staggering and anyone can understand them - 86% of victim outcomes (reports by victims of program benefits) were negligible and negative, while 14% reported a small benefit from the anti-bulling program.  For victims who 'self-reported' bullying incidents, 100% reported the anti-bullying school campaign to be ineffectual.  (1 J. David Smith, Ph.D., The Effectiveness of Whole School Anti- Bullying Programs: a Synthesis of Evaluation Research)

When I first read those numbers, I had to read them again to make certain I understood them correctly.  If Dr. Smith's figures are even close to being correct (and, I must conclude they are), the anti-bullying programs offered don't mean squat.  He believes no one cares.

Can you believe it? No one cares.

This is where Dr. Smith and I part company. I care.

If we take the attitude that 'bullying cannot be stopped' and, therefore, a 'why should we bother to try' attitude, then Dr. Smith is correct.  I believe, however, that we, through the power of our intellect and spirit, can achieve great success in all that we do. I believe in our inherent ability to find a path to success.

I had the wonderful opportunity to surprise my twin sister on our bithday this past weekend.  My sister is sufferring from a debilitating disease known as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) or Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS).  You cna learn more about this disease and the fundraising efforts we have made on her behalf at:  www.faithforfern.com  However, that is not the reason for this blog post.

I found it incredibly interesting to watch how strangers cope with disabled individuals.  During our visit, we headed out to have brunch at a hotel/restaurant in downtown Victoria, BC.  Before I discuss what occurred, I should state taht my sister is in a wheelchair.  Her disease limits her ability to stand loud noises as well as being banged into or bumped by others.  In fact, bumping produces excrutiating pain not just an inconvenience factor.

When we turned up with our reservation, they placed our group directly in alignment with the buffet.  Does this seem like a good position for someone in a wheelchair?  My sister does not like to make a fuss, so she accepted the placement without complaint.  What I found interesting is that the host actually never spoke to her.  He spoke only to her husband when checking to see if the placement was acceptable.  Now isnt it interesting that you wouldnt ask the affected individual if it was adequate?  Does being in a wheelchair automatically assume that you cannot speak or hear?

While waiting for her plate to be put together by her husband at the buffet table, another patron actually banged into the wheelchair in an attempt to bypass the long line and cut in closer to the hot food.  No word of apology was extended for this.  In fact, when my brother-in-law headed over to indicate the problem with banging into her chair, this man looked at my brother-in-law like he had grown horns out of his head.   Apparently this is not a unque phenomonon.  My sister indicated a time at the airport when a young man had actually backed right up into her and fell into her lap - he then addressed only the woman he was with indicating that he had not seen her.  That might have been the case, but what prevents an appropriate apology?  It is as if her wheelchair prevents anyone from being able to speak to her directly.

In fact, at lunch, even the waitress failed to address her and rather asked the rest of us at the table what she would like to have for a beverage.

I found this all pretty fascinating.  Are we really that uncomfortable with the idea of someone with a handicap?

Well, let me just say that my sister is a generous and gentle individual with a rare disease.  She does not wish to be a burden or a bother, but she does expect to be treated with respect - as I imagine you would as well.  So, when you see someone in a chair, do not assume they are incapable of communicating.  Talk to them - they may surprise you with their wit, politeness and acceptance of your apologies!

by Authors Mark Van Vugt & Anjana Ahuja

Review by Faith Wood, Inspiring Minds Consulting

If you don't have followers than, let's face it, you are not leading (regardless of your title).  This book sought to answer the question of not only why some people lead but why most choose to follow.

Taking an anthropological view of leadership styles through modern evolution, I thought the authors posed a few great questions:  Is our current love affair with charismatic leaders actually working?  Does our ancestral preference for tall chiseled men at the helm still ring true in a modern era which appears to require a more social and relationship oriented approach to leadership?   If we are desirous of social emphasis, why then do we resist putting women in high profile positions?  Is gossip actually good for an organization?

The book was an interesting and relatively easy read which summarized ten recommendations for a modern leader-follower relationship:

1.        Don't overrate the romance of leadership.   We celebrate leaders when things are going well and blame them when situations feel direr.  But in today's modern world, leaders are usually figure heads who have to work with committees and coalitions to effect change.  Thus, they deserve less credit and less blame for their actions than our ancestral leaders ever did.

2.       Find a niche and develop your prestige. Do you have a skill that can benefit the group?  It helps to develop it and become somewhat indispensable in your work place.  The more you are relied on for your expertise, the more freedom and long term stability you have.

3.       Keep it small and natural. Apparently we work more cohesively in groups that do not exceed 150.  This allows us to maintain our ancestral desire for tribal like belonging.  Apparently our followers want to feel like they are part of a family unit.

4.       Favor followers. "Dominance is a part of our primate history and there is always the risk that people in leadership positions will coerce and exploit their followers." The authors give modern day followers many suggestions in Chapter 5 of how to stop this exploitation.

5.       Practice distributed leadership.  In ancestral times, leadership was fluid, situational and distributed.  Leaders were chosen for roles in which they were most qualified.  Bureaucracy has adjusted that over time and, in today's modern world, often the fate of an organization rests on one person's shoulders.  The authors recommend a rethink of this type of top down leadership.  The burden should be shared among qualified individuals.  Followers need to feel they can aspire to higher level positions.

6.       Mind the pay gap.  We have entered an era where leaders need to curb the culture of excessive pay and bonuses.  "When institutions favor leaders at the cost of followers, something has to give eventually".  There are many investors who refuse to support organizations where the disparity between pay is too immense.  We expect some perks for our top leaders, but mind the gap.

7.       Look for leaders from within.  We used to appoint leaders from within the clan for their skill and talent.  Today, leaders are appointed in one's own image from the top echelon who often favors those who appear like-minded.  This style of hiring often undermines the group and prevents skill development and growth within the followers.  Keep it up and you may find you are leading no one.

8.       Watch out for nepotism.  When you appoint CEOs simply on the basis of family bloodlines, you set up your organization for corruption both perceived and realistic.  Natural leaders should recruit people who have the best qualifications rather than relying on a small circle of relatives and friends.

9.       Avoid the dark side.  Domination is part of our ancestral coding and is often the swiftest method of gaining compliance from our subordinates.  However, it is often more advantageous for a natural leader to seek consensus within a group and avoid the tendency to dominate as the primates do.

10.   Don't judge a leader by his or her cover. Chapter 6 reveals the psychology behind who we choose to follow and under what conditions.

And as for gossip....these authors believe you should not prevent it.  Flaws within an organization are often revealed through this primal activity.  Listen to it and adjust your style and approach when gossip proves a point.

Perhaps it is time to rethink our instinctual inclination towards leadership.  Choosing the right person for the job may take a little more evolution in these modern times.

At the back of this book, the authors give readers a chance to assess their own unique leadership preferences.  Are you brave enough to take the test?  I did!

Author:  Ruth Rendell

Four bodies are discovered - buried in a coal hole in the back patio of a prestigious home (Orcadia Cottage) in St. John's Wood, London.   A chance discovery of two women and two men each of varying ages.  Stranger yet, it would appear that the bodies were placed inside during various years and the owner of the property claims to be as surprised as everyone else.   This is the setting for Ruth Rendell's crime thriller, The Vault.

Although the book was an easy read, it was not as riveting as I had hoped.  Enjoyable but not riveting.

In essence, a cold case has been dropped into the lap of retired inspector Reg Wexford who has been pining away for an opportunity to dust off his investigative skills.  With no identification on any of the bodies and a substantial quantity of expensive jewelery totaling 40,000 pound buried alongside the bodies, how will they even start the identification process (let alone the motives for the killing)?

Who placed the bodies into this strange location?  What has happened to the access port from inside the house and who may be able to help the retired detective solve such a strange occurrence.  How long would you look for the answers and at what personal risk?

Reg Wexford is happy to sleuth about, interviewing many on his quest to solve such a challenging case.   Why has no one reported any of these people as missing persons?  With so many unanswered questions, it might just be what Reg Wexford needs to stave off his retirement boredom.

Along the way, Wexford has a family mystery to solve when his daughter is stabbed, by an apparent maniac, while collecting her child from school. Wexford has to find this attacker while simultaneously pursuing the one clue as to the identity of the Orcadia murderer: a glamorous 1950s American saloon car seen in the vicinity. As he explores one lead after another, he is lead through the streets of London to the hidden brothels and into personal danger.  He even becomes the victim of a stabbing, "Britain's murder method of choice".

Will Wexford manage to solve the case and survive himself?   Grab a copy of Ruth Rendell's book and find out.

I know we are two weeks in already, but it seemed like a good time to address the issue of why some of us make resolutions and others don't. 

Even though you have in years past resolved to lose weight, exercise more, take up painting, travel the world, write the perfect novel, find a cure for all diseases, eradicate war the world over, you - and countless other sensible people like you - have finally come to the conclusion that New Year's resolutions are simply not that wise into you.

Well, take heart. There are some resolutions you may be motivated enough to keep. You can call them Valentine's Day resolutions, if you wish, just to make them a bit different (and to recognize the fact that it is closing in on February and you're thinking you really should be doing something about improving your lot in life).

Don't get carried away, though, as high-minded goals will often end up simply gathering dust in the dark recesses of your mind. However, if you put the right spin on your resolutions, you will find that you can do just about anything.

In order to remain optimistic and enthusiastic as you move further into 2011, you can start small, as in: "I resolve to get out of bed each morning (provided I'm not sick)." There, now, don't you feel better? Finally, a resolution you can keep!

Once you've mastered that, you can move up to something even more productive, such as: "Once out of bed, I resolve to make the bed each morning." Not too difficult and you will feel so pleased with yourself as you stand back and admire the neatly made bed (don't forget to point this out to everyone in the household, as you truly are setting a fine example).

Next, if you're up to it, you can try a real challenge: "I resolve to clean out the fridge more often." Well, maybe that's asking a bit much, but you can always try.

This may come as somewhat of a shock to you, but things don't always go according to plan. Resolve not to flip out if your well-laid plans come to naught. Remind yourself that you are flexible, that you are capable of adjusting and adapting to changing circumstances, that the world won't come to an end if that meeting you had planned on has to be cancelled (due to a blizzard that is keeping every right-minded person off the roads). Just shrug your shoulders, say, "C'est la vie" and make new plans. (This will probably drive a few of the control freaks around you crazy, but that's their problem.)

If none of this works for you, try this simple resolution and call it a day:

* Life is all about enjoying the time you have. Resolve to laugh more and whine less.

Happy New Year!

So I kind of fell apart in 2011 as far as blogging goes.  I always had the greatest intentions, but without specific action, the best of intentions are often wasted.  So...I figure it's time to regroup.  Time to reconsider how I organize and write my blogs.  I want them to be insightful (Even a little entertaining) and appear with some form of regularity.  Since I was in San Diego at the dawn of the new year, it definitely bought me some time to get started.  I know that most of us never actually achieve our new year's resolutions, so I am strategizing systems to actually keep mine.  But, before we do that - just a little recap of how I made out with last year's resolutions (I definitely encourage each of you to do this - we have til the end of January to be considered well under way, right?!

I love this time of year - especially the moment just after 12 on January 1st when I realize that I really do get a 'do-over'.   Yep - a chance to recover from all the blunders I made in the past year in respect of business opportnities that I let slip by, friendships I forgot to stay on top of and resolutions I completely overlooked!

When 2011 dawned, I promised myself that I would actually finish my book and self publish it.  Fundraising on a Shoestringcame out in February.  Followed by:  Life under the limbo bar (after I adjusted all the things I wished I had done differently the first time) and then two more in the Fall on bullying.  I would say I was successful at the book goal - wouldn't you?  (Now we could argue that I did a lousy job promoting these books and I would have to concede, but I don't beleive that was actually a stated resolution or goal - so....check on the writing.  If you grab a copy now, I might succeed at the selling bit in 2012!!)

I resolved to focus on staying healthy, active and balanced - check - I did that! - OK maybe not balanced - sometimes it is too much fun to be off kilter a little!

I promised myself that I would show up for the network club meetings that I hold memberships in - especially if I happened to actually be in town (and not pretend that I wasn't) - I think I scored an 80% on that goal - not bad - check!  (Think I should probably keep this one going in 2012)

I resolved to strategically grow my business by revamping my website so I contacted elance and hired  some folks - take a look around - I think they did a pretty good job - check!

Expansion included exploring some marketing coaching.  Although I paid the bill, I am not sure I grew my business - back to the drawing board on that one.

Last part of the biz growth goal - I resolved to hire some promotional support - check!  I did manage to follow through on that one - thank you Francie Kane.

I promised to work out and stay in shape - I started out great on this goal, but kinda fell apart during the summer yard renovation project followed by the busy training calendar in the fall.  Yep - another excuse for sliding - no check mark.

I promised to spend more time connecting with my kids - I think I scored a 75% there, but they were pretty much on top of things for me in the fall.

There has been a lot of discussion on social media and in the news lately about bullying.  This is a complex and challenging problem that is being dealt with in homes, schools and workplaces across the country.  Since my new book:  The Graduating Bully launched this week, I thought I would take a second to blog about this particular issue:

When you leave adolescence, you expect the schoolyard bully days of tireless exploitation will be over and that your differences will become assets.  After all, we no longer have to sit in homeroom classes with the same people five days a week - no longer is there recess, or Nerf balls in gym class, nor binder rings to distort. But.... our past experiences as bullies and victims do not leave our consciousness after grade school; in fact, bullying among adults is just as common.

We continue to behave the way we have always behaved.  If the system works - why change it?

As a result, our workplaces are filled with diverse personalities and agendas which can lead to hostility, frustrations, anger and sometimes even violence.

Most adult bullying in the workplace falls under the verbal and relational subheadings.  Relational bullying is meant to alienate, exclude and isolate the victim.

Bullying is not a Personality Clash

A personality clash is where two people of equal rank, status, value or power don't see eye to eye.  Bullying consists of a pattern of persistent, daily, trivial, nitpicking criticism, isolation, exclusion, undermining, discrediting, setting up to fail, etc. on a target who the bully has disempowered and disenfranchised.

Unfortunately, many department heads write off bullying as a "personality clash", much to the delight of the bully who is always trying to heap all the blame onto their target.

If you are a target of a bully, begin by documenting incidents with dates, times, events and situations.  Keep it factual (as well as you can) and do not offer up any emotional interpretations or assumptions around the behavior.

Take time to:

a)  Check your physical health for stress-related complications;

b)  Get coaching or other emotional support;

c)  Check for violations of employer policies and labor laws;

d) Gather data including copies of letters, memos, emails, etc.

Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

I have to admit that I found this book slow.  I wanted to like it; I wanted to be interested and attentive; I wanted to find meaning in the text, but instead I found myself easily distracted, constantly struggling to stay on task.  Perhaps what I wanted to do was stop reading and what I decided to do was struggle through to the end.

How do we guard against jumping to ineffective conclusions (the book will surely become more interesting as I read) while focused on what we want to do (stop reading and do something more entertaining)?  I hoped for the answer to this puzzle and so much more.  Unfortunately, for me, it missed the mark.  I found the 418 pages to be tedious and slow reading.  An exhaustive expose of Kahneman's research and work over the past decade.   It felt a bit like I was sitting in a boring lecture trying desperately to stay on task because I liked the professor.

Essentially, Daniel Kahneman poses a hypothesis about the inner workings of the brain.   Normally, this alone would intrigue me.  He explains that we (human beings) operate from two defined systems of thinking: a System 1 that is quick and intuitive, and a System 2 that is slower and more logical.   I think we have heard a lot of this before.  He goes on to explain that we ought not to trust that quick, intuitive thinking style unless we have developed considerable experience and predictability with the subject matter and the environment in which we find ourselves.  However, this is nothing new and continues to be of great debate when calculating risk assessments particularly in emergency situations where rapid fire thinking is a 'must have' resource.

Synthesizing decades of his research, as well as that of colleagues, Kahneman lays out a lot of research in the science of human decision-making - a map of the mind that resembles a finely tuned machine with, alas, some notable trapdoors and faulty wiring.   When I first saw how large the book was, I was hopeful that within the pages would be some revelations as to how to trust our intuition and influence more accurate rapid decision making.  Perhaps I hoped for some science that  would encourage me to rethink my perspectives and challenge me to activate cleverer thought patterns.  Instead, I fought distraction and connection.

Perhaps a study of economics and algorithms in human behavior is not what I expected.   Not that there was not some good content in the pages, but I didn't find anything particularly new.  "Yes", we have a natural aversion to loss and risk.  "Yes", our intuition can sometimes be wrong and "Yes", when emotions and immediate timely feedback are activated simultaneously, we remember the lessons longer.  Perhaps these three take-ways sum it all up the best - from 481 pages to two sentences.

For what it's worth, I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either.

For those of you who know me, you can attest to my formality with time.  If I am less than half an hour early for a presentation, my adrenaline pumps and I feel like I am definitely late.  As a result, you may appreciate this story about how my sense of humour may have saved me last week!

I was booked to speak at the SAHRP conference in Saskatoon, Sk. This was going to be the first time I have ever spoken for this group and I wanted to make a good first impression.

I had a 10:00 flight booked and arranged transportation to the airport 90 minutes prior to boarding.  I checked in without a hitch and proceeded to wander the shops at the airport while I waited for my departure time.  Once I headed for the assigned gate, the trouble began.

Upon arrival at Gate D40, I discover that the flight listed is heading for Cancun.  Now, although, I would normally be thrilled by this departure, it was unlikely to get me to my destination - Saskatoon - by 3:00.  I inquired with the attendant if my flight gate had been moved.  He advised," yes, head over to 34".  Obediently, I maneuvered my way (laptop in tow) to this new gate.  An empty area met me here.  The security guard (a very pleasant man) attempted to help me discover where the flight had been moved but we were both unable to even find it on the departure board.  OK, back to D40.

Now more time was spent looking for my flight only to discover that the flight time was still 10:000 but it was now listed as PM not AM.  Yikes.  Off to the friendly West Jet staff to see about an earlier flight - preferably one that would get me to Saskatoon in time to make my 3:30 presentation time slot.  Some quick juggling and we secured a 1:45 departure which would arrive at 2:50.  Heart pumping, I contact the meeting planner to let her know of the unfortunate turn of events.  I am definitely coming, but will be cutting it close!

Naturally, the flight was 10 minutes delayed leaving Calgary.  Now 3:12 as I heave into a cab, begging for swift transport to my waiting audience in downtown Saskatoon.  Pay with cash enroute - bail out of the cab at 3:25.  Rush through the doors and discover I am in the theatre area NOT the conference section of the building.  Pointed towards a waiting elevator attendant, I hear my name being called out.  It is the Meeting Planner on a full run to meet me.  Together we jump into the elevator and she radios someone:  "Faith Wood is in the building".  At this point, I turn to her and say:  "I feel just like the President".  A pause and a giggle and the tensions are suddenly reduced dramatically for all of us.

Met in the seminar room by AV, we were able to set up without a hitch - 60 seconds to spare.  At precisely 3:30 (as scheduled), I begin my 90 minute presentation on the secrets of Influence.  My opening question for the group....."Do you think it is possible to influence systems or only people?"

Well...what would you do?

You may never have confused your spouse for an item of outerwear, but have you ever failed to recognize the face of an acquaintance? Fumbled for a word that eluded your grasp? Read a sentence three times and still didn't get it?  Such familiar traps, and how we cope with them, is the topic of Oliver Sacks' latest book, "The Mind's Eye."

What can you see in your mind's eye?  Can you envision images that can be slowed down, turned slowly and then recall them to someone else with such detail and accuracy that it would be as if your mind was acting like a remote viewer of sorts?  A camera lens that is capable of capturing and storing images regardless of your capacity to actually see them?  No?  What if you could develop this gift by actually becoming visually impaired?  A compelling question isn't it.  This is just one of the ideas presented in Oliver Sacks book.

The brain's ability to renegotiate and adapt itself to a changing world is often referred to as neuroplasticity.  For those who share a curiosity and interest in the world of brain science, neuroplasticity carries the argument that our brains have an unquestionable talent for re-wiring and mapping out new methods of interacting in a world whenever impairment, such as a stroke or other disorder occurs.  My first foray into this world occurred when I read the book:  "The brain that changes itself" several years ago.  It would seem, however, that Dr. Sacks has been evaluating this science much longer and has a strong grasp on the capacity of human adaptation.

Oliver Sacks is a practicing neurologist who specializes in unusual cases.   His many books present like a personal diary of sorts.  A collection of journal entries where readers get to meet the very ordinary people who find themselves inexplicably stricken by a strange disorder.   Dr. Sacks makes us yearn for a physician who brings his level of care, thoughtfulness and empathy to these individuals and their somewhat bizarre disorders.

Dr. Sacks shares with us a world where the human brain has proved itself intelligent, flexible, and ever changing.  Not the rigid mind we might have thought of, but rather a complex system of neurons and senses, capable of re-wiring itself according to the unique challenges placed upon it.   As the pages turn, one grows more uneasy with their own reluctance towards change as we are introduced to those who change has been thrust upon.

Not only does he present a fascinating mixture of strange and unusual phenomenon, but he presents the cases thoroughly by helping the reader get to know each patient from a very personal perspective.  Their fears, hopes and dreams all shared as we gain greater insight into the strange illnesses or disorders that they have developed.   Readers feel much like they have become friends with these individuals as Oliver Sacks educates us about our own human frailties and flaws, strengths and capacities.

As the stories unfold, you will meet a woman for whom Sacks dresses in red, she is a virtuoso pianist, and the first sign of her malady is a sudden inability to read music. She is joined in these pages by a novelist who wakes up one morning unable to read, and an intensely sociable woman who is suddenly struck dumb.

Dr. Sacks does not seem to focus on simply documenting the progression of their disease, or even curing the strange diseases that are presented to him (which in most cases is impossible).   Rather, he seems most interested in the process by which these individuals make up for their new impairments - how they develop new possibility thinking from their newly imposed neurological impairments.

Mid-way through the book we discover that Dr. Sacks has become the patient.  Through his sharing of his inner most thoughts, we are transported through his own journey with ocular cancer and the impact it has on his focus and attention.   We discover this caring man also has an uncanny sense of humour.    There is no miraculous healing in the pages, but rather a frank and intimate look at a man who is confronting change and revealing the strength needed to persevere, grow and adapt to an ever changing world - just as his patients have done before him.

What does it take to be a successful and wealthy entrepreneur?  According to Kevin O'Leary (one of the original Dragon's Den and Shark Tank Venture Capitalists) it takes hard work, strong partnerships and a willingness to think like money.  "Money has no feelings" and according to Mr. O'Leary, "it doesn't care about yours".  "There is no place in business for emotional baggage."

Whether you agree with his philosophies or like his persona on TV, there is no argument that Kevin O'Leary has carved out a wealthy niche for himself in the world of capitalism.  Success in business is clearly something he can speak about with a level of authority and credibility.

I loved that this book was written in the first person, and the tone feels like you could actually be sitting down having a coffee with him while he shares his personal stories of triumph and failure.  (Of course he would never do that as his valuation of time comes down to whether or not it will actually make him or his shareholders a lot of money).

While reading this book, I grew to understand how Kevin O'Leary became the man he is today.  Like many of us, his beliefs and values grew from childhood influences and real-life experience.  He does not celebrate the typical rags to riches philosophy that permeates much of North American culture.  Instead, he attributes his successes to a steady commitment of hard work, logical decision making and money values established early on through antecedence and parental coaching.

Born a natural salesman, Kevin O'Leary believes strongly in clear communication and relationship building.  He encourages business owners to be honest about identifying their personal strengths and weaknesses early and then partner with individuals who shore up those weaknesses while complimenting your strengths.  Everyone needs to be committed to the journey with no overlap in decision making if a partnership is to be most effective.   He encourages business owners to be clear and concise about the bottom line and never hesitate to 'off-load' those who are not contributing in positive ways.

Throughout this book are the stories which created his persona.  I was touched by the challenges he faced as a child (such as overcoming dyslexia and long separations from family) and was fascinated by his manner of connecting the dots.  With a candid and often witty look at the past and present, he crafts an easy to read and enjoyable story of the moments that molded him.  I was surprised to discover his reverence for creativity since we usually celebrate the left brain dominance in the business world.  This was a refreshing approach to matching and celebrating the value both sides of the brain bring to business.

As an entrepreneur myself, I absorbed some great take-a-ways from a book which speaks honestly and openly about the need for solid relationships on the road to success.  No person can become wildly successful in isolation.  The universe rewards swift action and constant and consistent course corrections.  Success is rarely a steady incremental climb to the top.

For me, one of the most poignant gaps in the book relates to his relationship with his wife and children.  There is little contained in the pages about their partnership or family ties.  In his quest to succeed it is almost like he forgot about them.   I was not surprised to discover that the marriage had broken down following the writing of this auto-biography.  Perhaps it is a warning to 'WE' entrepreneurs out there - never forget to remain committed to the partnership at home as much as the partnerships created for business.  Or perhaps, the idea that "wealth creates freedom" may be truer than you first considered.

What a whirlwind week of activities it has been thus far!  I have spent the past couple months working on developing a new 2 day format for 'Street Smart' conflict navigation and delivered the first of 7 customized workshops this week.  Thrilled with the feedback of:  relevant, practical, fresh and packed full of reality.  I also loved the feedback from several participants:  Thank you for not being boring Faith!  Love it!

The materials for this workshop were developed to provide front line practical advice for conflict navigation that pays attention to the lack of time we all feel - too many demands and not enough time to sit down and tackle formal mediation.  So....this is not your grandmother's conflict resolution course - theory we are leaving to Google.  This is in your face reality - now what are you going to do about it!

Before teaching this week, we enjoyed a weekend of final touch ups on the yard project and enjoyed an evening of Cirque de Soleil for my husband's birthday.  If you have not had a chance to see OVO under the big tent - grab a ticket!  We have seen many Cirque shows and loved the music and fast paced action of this one!  The downside - $130/ticket and we still spent 2 hours with an obnoxious family behind us constantly kicking our seats and throwing popcorn in our hair.  My question for everyone out there - when did we, as a society, lose common courtesy?