Is your relationship safe?

Boredom can lead to an affair.

Many people fall into routines, including tired routines in the bedroom. What do you do to keep your marriage/relationship fresh? Is the time you are spending together stagnant or filled with breathless excitement?

The 2nd installment of the 50 Shades of Grey Movies is being released for Valentine’s Day and this has certainly been a catalyst for some pretty interesting conversations on respect, fidelity and experimentation mindsets.

When a relationship is strong and boundaries are communicated well, any experimentation in the relationship works.   However, when care and respect are not shown, you are probably heading for a crisis.

Every person in a relationship wants to believe they Belong (are loved) and are important to the other – not just a person who helps cover off expenses.

Before we felt pressure in our relationship, we told ourselves a story about the situation.

In response to these stories, we have built up a self image.

This self image is like a movie about ourselves, with thousands of details about what we think is possible for us, appropriate and allowable.  What we think we are capable of, have permission for, or is possible for anyone.  It contains the laws of our lives and our openness in the relationship.

The perspective of those experiences is what literally sets our expectations.

Imagine growing up in a family where arguments are loud and part of your every day expectation.  Then the absence of conflict would cause you to believe that everything is alright on the home front.  No chatter, no problems.   As a result, you might miss the cues that your partner is feeling lonely, unappreciated or in need of a little more excitement.

Let’s contrast that with the partner who has had such toxic past relationships that they have developed a trait of being insanely possessive, jealous and insecure.  If you were dating somebody who regularly looked through your phone without permission, demanded to know where you were at all times, got angry or sobbed every time you went out with your friends or screamed at you until blood vessels popped in their face when you go a single day without calling or texting, would this cause you conflict?  Would you consider infidelity?  This person is essentially acting as if you already cheated, so why not cheat? It can’t possibly get any worse, can it?

It’s not rocket science to say that the likelihood of infidelity in a relationship is proportional to whether the needs of each individual ar
e being met.

A relationship is not an obligation.

It is a choice.

And how partners conduct themselves within that relationship are made every day and not just on special occasions.

Intimacy requires constant nurturing and that happens with deep connection and attention on what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour between the partners themselves.   Excitement, forbidden fruit, boredom, opportunity, enticement, retaliation – the reasons why people have affairs are endless.

Focus on opportunities that promote a sense of belonging and a sense of significance within your relationship.  Be open minded to adding new activities or intimacy moments.  This focus helps you maintain what brought you two together in the first place.

Now, go show that Valentine you love them.